The End of a Era

Fourscore and seven years ago, our forefathers.....

We the People, in order to form a more perfect union.....

When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary....

(beep, beep, beep of the alarm) --------------- oh, wow. I've been dreaming.
I think the title of today's post was on my mind. hhhmmmm.

I'm very concerned about our nation - on many levels. I think it's important for each of us to study the past s0 we can act properly in the present, thereby securing our future.

That's true as a people, and it's true as individuals. In my case, all week I've been thinking about how it applies to my situation... I've lived a wonderfully full life for over 50 years, hit a significant roadblock that put me on a detour for 5 years, and the neurosurgeons have plopped me back on the main highway again. What am I going to do about it? I think I have at least 3 choices:

1 - Keep driving like nothing happened (ungratefully stupid)
2 - Live in fear that I might be detoured again (not my M.O.)
3 - Investigate the past, find those things I didn't handle properly and correct them on this time around. (Probably what I should do)

You know, it's interesting... After this first programming of my neurostimulator (which will be adjusted in January and every 3 months after that)... not everything is dialed in perfectly, yet. Slight tremors sneak in occasionally - my left leg still has a constant small tremor - I have some dyskinesia in my right leg - and have leg aches as a constant reminder, that there's a monster underneath my skin that would like to manifest itself. However, the improvements in my physical body have been so significant since Monday that I almost didn't notice this other stuff still going on...

It's not too different from when this whole process started 5 years ago. The first uncontrollable tremors in my leg and arm started in August of 2005. I was diagnosed in January of 2006, but didn't want to start taking any medication because of the posibility of negative side effects... the longer we held off on taking medication, the longer until I move like Michael J. Fox.

Well by the fall of 2006, my unmedicated symptoms were tough to deal with. I could hardly do anything by myself. Beckie was my nurse - 24 hours a day. She had to dress me, and tie my shoes. I couldn't shave myself anymore, or take a shower by myself (that part wasn't so bad, I enjoyed the company) At that stage, the tremors weren't the issue, it was the inablility to move. My body was freezing up.

That first week I took PD medication (sinemet), it was like a miracle. Overnight I could move. I had my life back.

HHmmmm.....

This past week was like a miracle. The disease had progressed to the point where I was taking 4 different medications every two hours. When I missed a dose - even by 20 minutes, I would crash and burn. The meds were reaching the limit of what they could do. Last Monday that all changed.

Medications were reduced 70% to basically a supplemental level. Tremors stopped. Pain and muscle aches virtually gone. NO slowness of movement, NO rigidity, no delay in mental abilities, I'm multitasking again.

It's very much like when I first took meds -- only better.

Soooooo.... that brings me to my point. What am I going to do about it?

When my medications gave initial relief, I basically, went back to work and nothing changed. Business as usual. I don't think I can do that again. Too much has happened in the past 4 years NOT to turn the experience into a positive for my future and for the benefit of others.

"Lord, help me remember the struggle, help me remember the battle, help me remember the situations that occurred between Beckie and I that never would have emerged, had this not taken place. THEN, Lord, show me how to change those underlying character flaws that only erupted under pressure and turn them into puffs of smoke, instead of submerged volcanoes. Help me translate that to others, so they can live better lives. Thank You."

"...we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." Romans 5:4,5

God loves me. I know it. The most important thing I can do now is to pass that love onto others. What I've learned in the past couple of years, is that PEOPLE matter. They matter to God. God is not an angry Judge in the sky, ready to punish us for the fact that we turned our backs on him.... God is ACTUALLY trying to RESCUE us from ourselves - from that path we've chosen away from Him. In eternity the sin we live with here will not be allowed. (That actually was what God wanted for us HERE on this planet, but we wanted to take control of our own destinies and we CHOSE to not trust Him. He doesn't want to Kill us for that, He wants to rescue us from the consequences of that choice. One of the ways God uses to rescue YOU, is me! I have to be the person to tell you (show you) the good news. This is my mission in life. God loved me and rescued me. I return that love by passing on the Good News (gospel) to you, and then by being involved in your life to help you grow and develop and mature spiritually until we understand the fullness of God's love.

What is LOVE, anyway? "God demonstrated His love for us in this: While we were in an attitude of rebellion and didn't want anything to do with HIM, His son, Jesus came here as a human and died for us anyway - to rescue each of us from certain destruction" Romans 5:8 Kenny Wayne version

THAT WHOLE CONCEPT is what was behind that scenario in the Stanford Medical Clinic and Hospital when I was first programmed... Beckie and I were walking down the busy hallway toward the cafeteria, when exclaimed, "Beckie, I see faces." She said, "What?" I replied, "I see faces on all these bodies." She intuitively paused for a moment and then made this observation, "Honey, I believe that's the case because up until now, you've been so focused on putting one foot in front of the other to just function physically, that you have not been able to connect with PEOPLE. Those moving objects were just that unless they for some reason stepped into your space and demanded your attention."

She was spot on.

Sooooo. Once again. What am I going to do about it? There are "FACES" in my life. With the HOPE that I have (i.e. what Jesus came here to accomplish and he did), I must help rescue people. Rescue them from being hurt, from hurting themselves and the people they love, rescued from hate and frustration, rescued from actions that paralyze and will ultimately destroy them. RESCUE THEM FROM THEMSELVES - and into the cosmic plan of a loving Father who wants to rescue and save everyone who will let him. I'm just the messenger and volunteer help.

In order to make that a reality, I have to figure out what just happened to me and translate that into helping others.

God help me. It's a tall order. But like the guy said on the plane that was hijacked by terrorists on 9/11 when it was time to take acton.... Let's roll.