“Changes all around me
- sometimes I wish that it weren’t so.
But these changes deep
inside me help me get where I want to go.”
Little did I realize the significance of those lyrics when I
penned them in 1993.
“Changes” was the
title of that ballad on the FIRED UP album.
Back then, I was very insecure about singing the lead vocal, but today
I’m glad I did it…especially with the challenges I’m experiencing with my
voice. Writing and producing each song
on the albums “ONE by ONE” and “FIRED UP!” was probably the most rewarding
project of my entire life. Music is the
language of the soul…and the emotions of that era are resurrected when I hear
their familiar melodies. If you would
like, you can listen to the songs on my personal website at www.group20kennywayne.com –
they’re listed on the Original Music tab on the home page.
One thing we can be certain of in this world is change. Change can be rewarding even when it is
painful. It all depends on our view of
life…you know, the glass is either half empty or half full. We can be a victim or a victor…we have a
choice as to our reaction to life’s challenges.
Looking back on the lyrics of “Changes” however, I would
rewrite the phrase: “...WANT to
go” replacing it with “…helping me where I NEED to go.”
Life changes are not always comfortable. ‘Wants’ and ‘Needs’ are two different
animals. This past year has seen big changes inside of me. I’m sure those internal changes are a result
of the many tangible changes that Beckie and I have experienced this past 12
months…for instance – some of the tangible changes:
< Beckie is working full time now and I’m home alone;
< We have a
new neurologist, having moved our treatment from Stanford
Medical Center
in Palo Alto , to Cedars Sinai in West Los Angeles ;
< Anticipating
our youngest daughter’s family moving to Northern California this month as a
result of a career change for her husband, Sam;
< Our oldest
daughter and her husband have connected with a great church group in the San Diego area and are
benefiting from that association;
< Anticipating
outpatient surgery soon to replace my neuro-stimulator battery for the second
time in 5 ½ years…much shorter than expected (because of the high voltage
settings necessary to keep the symptoms at bay);
< Making new
friends at our 55+ senior apartment complex and at our local Parkinson’s
Support Group monthly meetings;
< My ability
to communicate vocally is a major challenge.
I’ve attempted twice now to videotape a 5 years since DBS surgery (to
add to the ‘1-year’ and ‘3-years after’ videos already posted on YouTube on my
‘april13kid’ channel)…and failed to adequately articulate my current situation. I’m not sure right now as to when or how I’m
going to pull that off.
< We’ve recently been introduced to Young
Living Essential Oils as well as some herbal supplements that are very
promising in alleviating a number of symptoms I’m dealing with both physically
and mentally, and am pleased with the prognosis.
As far as my internal response to that list:
< I’m finally
giving myself permission to relax from always having to ‘produce’…and becoming
comfortable with ‘retirement’ and all that entails. Being home alone with limited mobility has
been an adjustment to be sure;
< Adjusting to
new doctors at Cedars Sinai has been relatively easy. Dr. Tagliati and Dr. Tan have been a great
encouragement to me. I’m very happy with
their abilities.
< I’m learning
that with my daughters and their children, I don’t have to ‘speak’ to be
‘heard.’ They don’t need to know what I
care about, they just need to know I care…about them.
< The same is
true with new friends in the community.
I’ve come to realize that I don’t have to impress people with my words
or ideas. If I will just sit with
someone, ask a question once in a while, and listen to whatever they have to
say, more goodwill is accomplished than by my eloquence or by trying to impress
them with my knowledge. By being forced
to limit my spoken words I’m learning there is much wisdom in “holding one’s
tongue.” ‘Type A’ personalities (like
myself) don’t learn this truism easily.
It usually takes a crisis and then it’s still difficult.
< Finally, I
want to say how totally thankful and impressed I am with my wife, Beckie. For the past year, she has been a customer
service manager for a large retailer and has weathered some fierce storms (both
with physical leg pains and “pains in the neck” so to speak - with customers). I’ve seen both strength and grace develop in
her to the point where she is like a different person. She is my hero.
“Changes all around me
- sometimes I wish that it weren’t so.
But these changes deep
inside me help me get where I NEED to
go.”
My friend Francis
Anfuso wrote:
“What response to
a great disappointment will set you on the path of God’s choosing. Expect the unexpected.”
